The Beginning

I never thought cleaning could be so theraputic.

I find myself in a situation where I'm suddenly without a job, which wasn't entirely of my own choice. Among the flood of feelings that comes with an event such as your own employment termination, is the sudden sense of self worthlessness. Well, maybe not so harsh as worthlessness, but you wake up every morning with something to do when you have a job. Whether you go to work and have a good day, or a bad day, be productive or have an off day, there was still some purpose. You were needed, people relied on you, and even if it was an off day, you probably helped someone else with their problems. Then, suddenly it's not there.

Fortunately for me at the time, which is now, I was/am in a pretty good head space. Enough to know that I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself. So, there have been a lot of things around the house that are looked at on a daily basis. The kind of things that provoke the thought, "I'll get to that another time." That thought that lasts as long as the glance as you're walking by. Well, it's really a perfect fit. Lack of purpose, and things that need to get done (although need is a strong word considering the number of times the passing glance and thought have happened over the years).

The there's the other motive. The one that tells me part of the termination was due to my organization and work habits. Not so much directly, but maybe if I had been more organized, I could have been more effective in getting to some of the little things that I didn't. Those little things defined by some piece of paper on your desk, which you catch out of the corner of your eye provoking the thought that you should get to it at some point. All in all, I don't know for sure if that was the reason, but still, it's something that's been nagging that part of me that drives self improvement to improve.

So what a better place to begin the left turn life has dealt than to get to those tasks that are so often passed by. There were two benifits to this at first or so I thought. The first was the not so obvious one. A desire to build new habits to help my organization and effectivenss in my work so I don't run into this situation again, if that was the reason. That desire manifested itself in a strong desire to get things in order at home. Ends up the list is quite long. The second more obvious reason is, of course, I have the time so I might as well get to those things that need doing, and then they'll be done.

I started in the Den. What happens when you clean the Den, is the requirement to look in detail at every piece of paper, picture, card, burnt CD, etc. because there is the odd bit of important stuff in the Den which can't be thrown out. Guess I didn't realize what the important stuff is.

It started with a letter my sister wrote to me at Christmas one year, well, many years ago. I cried while reading it. Then I ran across a DVD a climbing buddy had made of our trip to Red Rocks, and another of a scramble up Mt. Baldy. Then, on an unlabled CD was a video I made of windsurfing down at Old Man Dam. Then there's all the small stuff in passing. Putting away picures of climbing in Skaha, while my wife and I were still dating, unlabled music mix CD's which I later realized were made for our wedding, boxes of pictures from past adventures, our wedding, and the list goes on. Sadly, the thought was there that I should come back and go through all this stuff.

Just realized that it's the same passing thought I described above.

So here's what's happened tonight. I have this life which included a career. Although that career is not over, everything has been thrown into flux. For the this moment and several more to follow, the life I had Tuesday morning at 7:30 am has ended. This evening I accidently stumbled into the memories of the path I took to get where I am. I'm realizing there's a fundamental difference between then and now.

I think I like then better.