Fear of the Unkown

The more I gain experience in rock climbing the more it serves as a metafor for the challanges of life. I was out climbing yesterday and the rain forced us to climb at a wall I handn't been on before because it was one of the few dry walls. We only did a couple of climbs, but thinking back to it now, the lesson I learned from it is how the fear of the unkown plays into a situation that should otherwise be comfortable.

You see, all winter, I train to climb better. For the grades that we were climbing yesterday, I was more than skilled enough, more than strong enough. Even now, when I think back to the climbs, I remember the moves as being easy. However, that wasn't the case when I was in the middle of the climbs. There were several spots where I wasn't sure what to do, and had to work through it, with a significant amount of fear nagging at me. It wasn't that the moves were necessarily hard, it was what came after the move was made.

When you're in the middle of a climb, quite often you can't see more than a move or two ahead of where you are. If you haven't been on the climb before, the stuff you can't see is pure unknown. If you work through what you can see, there is no comfort that the next series of moves are going to unfold. That reality changes the way the climb is approached. You're timid, you're fearful and it causes hesitation.

Isn't real life the same way? The next step past the one we're taking is never guaranteed. I think that causes the same timidness, the same fearfulness and the same hesitation that I experienced yesterday. Wouldn't it be great to know excactly what lies ahead? We wouldn't have to waste time with fear and hesitation. We could just forge forward with an unending confidence that our actions would breed success. But, alas, life is not like that, we have to deal with the unknown.

I think there is a way to deal with this, if we just stop to realize what we're scared of. If I think back to the climb, the fear was of failing. There would have been some consequences to that. A few scrapes maybe, perhaps a bruise, but most likely nothing more. I don't think that was the fear though. The fear was purely of failure, period. But, what's wrong with failure?

I've been hesitating getting on harder routes for the same reason, but I've started to break down that barrier. I've started to understand that failure is a teacher. You can fail, and then learn from it. If you look at failure that way, it's an increadibly powerful tool because you can take what you learn and, get this, 'try again'. Now, and this is out there, if you try again, and use what you leared to succeed, did you still fail?

For me, the answer is NO. Failure no longer exists. It's just part of the process. This is still kind of new to me, but as far as the climbing goes, I'm learning that if I can embrace failure as part of the process of learning, I feel more comfortable getting on a climb that is at or above my limit. If I can keep doing that, I can realize success on these climbs, which will move my limit. Failure is an invaluable part of that process. Limits aren't exceeded without failure.

Now, if I could take that out of climbing and apply it everyday, what would that look like??

In the Moment

I know one thing I have trouble with is staying in the moment. You know, just being there and enjoying. Not thinking about what's going on at work, where you need to be in a couple of hours, is there enough money in the bank account, what am I forgetting to do, and the list could go on for ever. I'm finding lately that this inability to be in the moment is causing time to pass really fast. It seems lately that the 5th day of a month comes up, and the month might as well be over.

I sometimes think this may be a phase of life. There's work and a young family with kids that are 4 and 1. By the time I get home, have supper, play with the kids a bit (not nearly enough), go through the kids bed time routine, and take care of whatever tasks need doing, there hardly seems to be a half hour of down time before bed, and then it starts all over again.

That's a lame excuse though. To pass it off as a phase of life, without trying to do anything about it, could wind up with 10, 15 maybe 20 years gone without taking the time to enjoy it. That would suck.

I am trying to do something about it. I don't think I take work as seriously as I did a year ago, which has caused me to be under a lot less stress. I guess I also like what I'm doing more, so that also goes to less stress. There's still a hectic schedule to deal with between work and home, but maybe it's not as bad as I think sometimes.

As I think about it, there are things I've noticed that put me in the moment, so that the thoughts produced by the world moving at Mach 10 aren't there. I've been regularly getting up at 5 am to work out, whether it's weights, running, or biking. Initially I figured it was the only time I had to do what it takes to stay fit. However, it's become more than that. It's become some of my 'in the moment' time. Time where my mind stays blank. It also changes the layout of the day. I don't get up to go to work anymore. I wake up to work out. It's an awesome feeling after a run by the Bow River in Calgary to sit in front of the downtown YMCA and stretch. It's like I've started the day on my terms, and I can then make the choice to stand up and go to work. It's hard to explain, but it makes all the difference.

Of course, my favourite 'hobby', climbing, puts me in the moment, especially bouldering. Just working out the puzzle of a bouldering problem with your body, getting on and exerting maximum effort, figuring out subtle differences in the way to approach a climb, all seems to focus my mind as if meditating. Although it may not keep the mind as quiet as meditating, it locks out distractions, and directs focus. Especially when your on a climb and facing a move you are unsure you can do. At that time, there is nothing else, it's just you and the moment.

Then there's my favourite thing that stops the noise, which I was kind of surprised by, but really, I shouldn't have been. When I get home and see Sydney and Seth, it seems the 'noise' just melts away. When there is a chance to sit on the floor with them and watch them play,it just removes all that 'stuff' that isn't important. My absolute favourite is watching them learn. I could sit there all day and just watch. There is no time, obligations, or anything else that is more important. Everything else just stops.

Seems obvious, but I hadn't expected it. Not sure why, seems obvious. Regardless though, what a great surprise.

And isn't it funny, that the young family that helps to make things so fast paced and hectic, is also the very thing that can take you out of that and put you in the moment.