I don't want to say it's a problem, cause I've been watching this show with my wife regarding getting rid of excuses from one's life. So let's say that one of the challenges of being unemployed is being able to stay posative all the time. I do believe that mood, feelings and thoughts can guide what happens to a person from what's seen as outside influences. So, with that belief the trick is to be and feel posative about what I want out of the next 6 months.
I guess the challenge here is that I'm not sure what I want out of the next 6 months, especially when I realize that it may affect what I do with my next 15 years career wise. A lot of ideas have been racing around between the old ears. When the ideas pop up, it's really a great spot to be in. Creative energy is flowing, which leads to new, bigger ideas and the whole thing has sort of a postive snowball effect that leaves me feeling on top of the world. Eventually though, the creation of these ideas slows down and stops.
Trying to pick up on the same ideas later just doesn't seem to bring the same fire, as the initial thoughts brought.
I guess that's not entirely true. I do get excited about some thoughts continuously. Maybe these are the ones that need pursuing? Well, they are probably most definately the ones that need pursuing. I guess maybe this is where the challenge comes in. The thoughts that produce continued excitement are not the ones that lead in the same path as the one I know.
That's kind of scarry for just that reason. It's the unknown. And I'm not certain how to bring the unkown into reality.
There is the quote by Martin Luther King Jr. that says, "Take the first step in faith . . . you don't have to see the whole stair case, just take the first step." It's a great quote and speaks volumes, especially with the problem of bringing the unknown into reality, but I'm not sure I'm there yet. That's sad, because it's only fear that holds a person back.
Maybe the first step in that faith for the moment is to continue to let the ideas flow. That's brought about answers in the past for our family, and it can certainly happen again. Is that the challenge then for now?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
At Home
Got the opportunity to drive out to Canmore on Saturday for our Condo Association board meeting. It provided an excellent opportunity to get out and stretch my legs. After calling all my climbing buddies, and no one being available, I decided to go on a bit of a quick scramble.
I ended up choosing the East End of Rundle over Ha Ling. Mostly because EEOR has a bit more hands on scrambling than the straight forward hike up Ha Ling. It's also a bit longer, and it's always nice to test the fitness. I made the summit in 1 hour and 11 minutes which is about 20 minutes faster than any other time I've been on this mountain. Guess the fitness is all right.
Sitting at the summit and having lunch felt "normal". It was a bit of an odd feeling, but a very nice one. It's been so long since I've done any sort of frequent scrambling or hiking, that I wasn't sure I would feel at home on the verticle terrain. But sitting on the edge of a bit of a drop off and eating a sandwich felt just right. Looking across the bowl at the top to some sheer verticle cliffs didn't produce the same feeling of intimidation as usual. The best way to explain it was just feeling at home. Kind of like things are as they should be. It was comforting.
The way down got tiring, but maybe the best part of the whole thing was dunking my head in the cold water of White Man's Pond at the base before getting into the car and driving home. So, comfortable and refreshed, off home I went. Great day in all.
I ended up choosing the East End of Rundle over Ha Ling. Mostly because EEOR has a bit more hands on scrambling than the straight forward hike up Ha Ling. It's also a bit longer, and it's always nice to test the fitness. I made the summit in 1 hour and 11 minutes which is about 20 minutes faster than any other time I've been on this mountain. Guess the fitness is all right.
Sitting at the summit and having lunch felt "normal". It was a bit of an odd feeling, but a very nice one. It's been so long since I've done any sort of frequent scrambling or hiking, that I wasn't sure I would feel at home on the verticle terrain. But sitting on the edge of a bit of a drop off and eating a sandwich felt just right. Looking across the bowl at the top to some sheer verticle cliffs didn't produce the same feeling of intimidation as usual. The best way to explain it was just feeling at home. Kind of like things are as they should be. It was comforting.
The way down got tiring, but maybe the best part of the whole thing was dunking my head in the cold water of White Man's Pond at the base before getting into the car and driving home. So, comfortable and refreshed, off home I went. Great day in all.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
It's not supposed to be easy
When you work out with weights, if it feels easy, you're not improving. When you go for a run, if you don't strive to run progressively faster, there will be little improvement after a while. Climbing a route that's easy for you, doesn't eventually get you up that amazing looking hard line to the right of where you are. Same for jibing on a windsurf board. You just don't do it one day because you watched others do it. You have to fall in the water time and time again, swear, throw a fit, and maybe in your next 25 tries you'll get it.
Marriage seems to follow this rule to. When it's tough, and you get through it, it sets the bar at that level. When something else tough comes along, you know you've already made it over that bar. Even if the bar has to move up, it's moving up from higher than it would of, if things hadn't been hard in the past.
I guess the point is, LIFE is supposed to be hard.
Life can be easy I guess. But I wonder what one would think about a life of ease that is at its end when on the death bed. To me anyway, easy sort of fits in with not taking risks or challenges. Risk is just that, Risk. There is a chance of failure, humiliation, and a host of other hard to endur emotions. But, risk can also bring great reward. So if the risk pays off 50% of the time, 25% of the time, do you end up ahead?
Well, it's 25% or 50% more reward than you would have had without trying at all. Maybe the more risk you take, the better you get at making the results successful. Reward would lead to more reward.
It's still risk though, and the failures may be bigger. I suppose it's the individuals choice on whether the risk is worth it. I guess it's the evenutual events of failure that make life hard then. But if it's not hard, it doesn't get better.
So I'll take the risk, and deal with the hardship that arises with open arms.
Marriage seems to follow this rule to. When it's tough, and you get through it, it sets the bar at that level. When something else tough comes along, you know you've already made it over that bar. Even if the bar has to move up, it's moving up from higher than it would of, if things hadn't been hard in the past.
I guess the point is, LIFE is supposed to be hard.
Life can be easy I guess. But I wonder what one would think about a life of ease that is at its end when on the death bed. To me anyway, easy sort of fits in with not taking risks or challenges. Risk is just that, Risk. There is a chance of failure, humiliation, and a host of other hard to endur emotions. But, risk can also bring great reward. So if the risk pays off 50% of the time, 25% of the time, do you end up ahead?
Well, it's 25% or 50% more reward than you would have had without trying at all. Maybe the more risk you take, the better you get at making the results successful. Reward would lead to more reward.
It's still risk though, and the failures may be bigger. I suppose it's the individuals choice on whether the risk is worth it. I guess it's the evenutual events of failure that make life hard then. But if it's not hard, it doesn't get better.
So I'll take the risk, and deal with the hardship that arises with open arms.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The Beginning
I never thought cleaning could be so theraputic.
I find myself in a situation where I'm suddenly without a job, which wasn't entirely of my own choice. Among the flood of feelings that comes with an event such as your own employment termination, is the sudden sense of self worthlessness. Well, maybe not so harsh as worthlessness, but you wake up every morning with something to do when you have a job. Whether you go to work and have a good day, or a bad day, be productive or have an off day, there was still some purpose. You were needed, people relied on you, and even if it was an off day, you probably helped someone else with their problems. Then, suddenly it's not there.
Fortunately for me at the time, which is now, I was/am in a pretty good head space. Enough to know that I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself. So, there have been a lot of things around the house that are looked at on a daily basis. The kind of things that provoke the thought, "I'll get to that another time." That thought that lasts as long as the glance as you're walking by. Well, it's really a perfect fit. Lack of purpose, and things that need to get done (although need is a strong word considering the number of times the passing glance and thought have happened over the years).
The there's the other motive. The one that tells me part of the termination was due to my organization and work habits. Not so much directly, but maybe if I had been more organized, I could have been more effective in getting to some of the little things that I didn't. Those little things defined by some piece of paper on your desk, which you catch out of the corner of your eye provoking the thought that you should get to it at some point. All in all, I don't know for sure if that was the reason, but still, it's something that's been nagging that part of me that drives self improvement to improve.
So what a better place to begin the left turn life has dealt than to get to those tasks that are so often passed by. There were two benifits to this at first or so I thought. The first was the not so obvious one. A desire to build new habits to help my organization and effectivenss in my work so I don't run into this situation again, if that was the reason. That desire manifested itself in a strong desire to get things in order at home. Ends up the list is quite long. The second more obvious reason is, of course, I have the time so I might as well get to those things that need doing, and then they'll be done.
I started in the Den. What happens when you clean the Den, is the requirement to look in detail at every piece of paper, picture, card, burnt CD, etc. because there is the odd bit of important stuff in the Den which can't be thrown out. Guess I didn't realize what the important stuff is.
It started with a letter my sister wrote to me at Christmas one year, well, many years ago. I cried while reading it. Then I ran across a DVD a climbing buddy had made of our trip to Red Rocks, and another of a scramble up Mt. Baldy. Then, on an unlabled CD was a video I made of windsurfing down at Old Man Dam. Then there's all the small stuff in passing. Putting away picures of climbing in Skaha, while my wife and I were still dating, unlabled music mix CD's which I later realized were made for our wedding, boxes of pictures from past adventures, our wedding, and the list goes on. Sadly, the thought was there that I should come back and go through all this stuff.
Just realized that it's the same passing thought I described above.
So here's what's happened tonight. I have this life which included a career. Although that career is not over, everything has been thrown into flux. For the this moment and several more to follow, the life I had Tuesday morning at 7:30 am has ended. This evening I accidently stumbled into the memories of the path I took to get where I am. I'm realizing there's a fundamental difference between then and now.
I think I like then better.
I find myself in a situation where I'm suddenly without a job, which wasn't entirely of my own choice. Among the flood of feelings that comes with an event such as your own employment termination, is the sudden sense of self worthlessness. Well, maybe not so harsh as worthlessness, but you wake up every morning with something to do when you have a job. Whether you go to work and have a good day, or a bad day, be productive or have an off day, there was still some purpose. You were needed, people relied on you, and even if it was an off day, you probably helped someone else with their problems. Then, suddenly it's not there.
Fortunately for me at the time, which is now, I was/am in a pretty good head space. Enough to know that I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself. So, there have been a lot of things around the house that are looked at on a daily basis. The kind of things that provoke the thought, "I'll get to that another time." That thought that lasts as long as the glance as you're walking by. Well, it's really a perfect fit. Lack of purpose, and things that need to get done (although need is a strong word considering the number of times the passing glance and thought have happened over the years).
The there's the other motive. The one that tells me part of the termination was due to my organization and work habits. Not so much directly, but maybe if I had been more organized, I could have been more effective in getting to some of the little things that I didn't. Those little things defined by some piece of paper on your desk, which you catch out of the corner of your eye provoking the thought that you should get to it at some point. All in all, I don't know for sure if that was the reason, but still, it's something that's been nagging that part of me that drives self improvement to improve.
So what a better place to begin the left turn life has dealt than to get to those tasks that are so often passed by. There were two benifits to this at first or so I thought. The first was the not so obvious one. A desire to build new habits to help my organization and effectivenss in my work so I don't run into this situation again, if that was the reason. That desire manifested itself in a strong desire to get things in order at home. Ends up the list is quite long. The second more obvious reason is, of course, I have the time so I might as well get to those things that need doing, and then they'll be done.
I started in the Den. What happens when you clean the Den, is the requirement to look in detail at every piece of paper, picture, card, burnt CD, etc. because there is the odd bit of important stuff in the Den which can't be thrown out. Guess I didn't realize what the important stuff is.
It started with a letter my sister wrote to me at Christmas one year, well, many years ago. I cried while reading it. Then I ran across a DVD a climbing buddy had made of our trip to Red Rocks, and another of a scramble up Mt. Baldy. Then, on an unlabled CD was a video I made of windsurfing down at Old Man Dam. Then there's all the small stuff in passing. Putting away picures of climbing in Skaha, while my wife and I were still dating, unlabled music mix CD's which I later realized were made for our wedding, boxes of pictures from past adventures, our wedding, and the list goes on. Sadly, the thought was there that I should come back and go through all this stuff.
Just realized that it's the same passing thought I described above.
So here's what's happened tonight. I have this life which included a career. Although that career is not over, everything has been thrown into flux. For the this moment and several more to follow, the life I had Tuesday morning at 7:30 am has ended. This evening I accidently stumbled into the memories of the path I took to get where I am. I'm realizing there's a fundamental difference between then and now.
I think I like then better.
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