Answers

The thing about real answers is that they are usually different from what you thought the real answer would be. I have the opportunity to really figure out what I want to do with my life, and after a bunch of fumbling about with different ideas that really weren't going anywhere, I finally just asked the question that I was afraid to ask. That fear of asking was a bit of a funny thing. I know now that it wasn't a fear of what the answer would be, but a fear that the answer would not reaveal itself.

Well, the thing about finally asking, is that it forces you to pay attention to what's going on around you. You see, the answer is always there, it just needs to be coaxed out from the noise that is so often life. The attention you've forced yourself to pay to things going on around you opens up a kind of awareness. It starts slow at first. Someone says something in passing that clicks with you as being important to your situation. It looks like a coincidence, for anyone who's read the Celestine Prophesy.

But these coincedences keep happening. They start snowballing until it seems everything and everybody knows just what you need to hear. Those wonderful coincidences . . .

But they are not coincidences!

It's the anwer that you were asking for. The answer that you always had, only you started listening.

It's the Brother in Law that casually says he's made everything he's done for fun into a job, which doesn't bring the same enjoyment. It's a wife that is learning that ego should be shed. It's the fading jealousy of a co-worker who's managing the large projects you would like to manage, because he tells you he's happy he spent the weekend at work. It's the room that the lack of jealousy leaves, that allows you to realize that the detailed work your doing is fun. It's the inspiration while blankly looking at adds in a hocky rink of the path forward in doing something different.

It all leads to a confidence that there is a different way to use my talents. One that lets me walk in a different direction than the mob. The path is so clear that it even provides opportunity to fulfill goals over a longer term.

In a room full of infinite doors, the right door has opened. The only thing left is to walk through and there is no fear, because the next room has an infinite number of doors.

How could you go wrong?

The Waiting Game

Sometimes I find myself waiting for that moment that will change the direction my life is taking. The moment that brings the event that I'll look back on and say that's where everything started to go right. I'm not sure why I do this.

There are other moments when life is perfect and I couldn't possibly think of anything else I could possibly want, or anywhere else I would rather be. Those are the moments when I feel on top of my game, like nothing could go wrong. It's the memory of those moments that makes this 'waiting place' so much more frustrating.

I also think that the expectation that some 'moment' will just deliver an answer I've been waiting for is misguided. Nothing just gets delivered unless it's been asked for. It's the asking that gives the power to recognize the answer. I know that, but I am doing a poor job of putting into action that which I already know.

It seems the thing I'm getting hung up on is what to ask for. I just don't really know what it is that I want. Can I just ask for direction? I guess I could try. Here it goes.

Aside from family, what is most important to me? I would really like to know this. I don't want to continue down the same path indefinately with the feeling that I only have the career I have to fill space until I find out what it is I really want to do. What living can I carve out for myself and my family that isn't work?

There, it's out there. The answer will come.